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. So good. Yet even as he ran deep, he grunted and with several jerks of his hips, I knew he had spilled his seed too quickly. Were all men like this? In the gloom I could just make out his sallow face as he slobbered over me. Then, as his limp thing slipped out of me I felt the trickle of fluid on my thigh. He hadn't worn a condom.Within minutes he had muttered a sullen, "Thank you," and was gone. And my life of luxury was intact. He became the first of several ‘clients’ I took to my bed. I asked myself if my rich lifestyle was worth such episodes. Did it make me a whore? But I’m ashamed to admit that I accepted the humiliation. And in the subsequent weeks I had three more insubstantial clients, finding little excitement in any of the encountersSix weeks passed, as our travels took us from ports to cities, and I had noticed that Barton had a different car, a new car, practically every two months. Occasionally I overheard his conversations with clients but hardly understood the. Traditionalists. Animal rights activists. Environmentalists. They’re all the same to me. Though they all claim to be different from one another, they use the same tools to get what they want. Manipulation. Deception. Blackmail. Extortion. Intimidation. False accusations. Brute force. Treachery. And the list goes on. Here I am, twenty three years old. Over six feet tall, handsome and healthy. College-educated. Smart. Seemingly friendly. Yet all I see is darkness. I can’t stand this world. I’ve gone out to try to make things better. I distributed flyers about male victims of domestic violence. I tried to help people. I’ve saved many lives in my time. Yet I see that it was all for nothing. In the end, it doesn’t matter at all. I feel numb from head to toe. I am not sorry for anything. I can’t get joy out of anything. Not from writing sex scenes. Not from watching a supposedly good movie. Not from making money. Not from having fame or success. I don’t know what happiness is. I’ve never.
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